When I refreshed the darn moe page today and saw the stupid press release, my hands turned cold immediately. My heart stopped beating for that second and my mind was in a blank. Can you imagine that horror...and my hands remained cold for an hour or so. And the very first thing I wanted to do was to scream. And take half day cos I didn't have the mood to work anymore.

So after that faithful press release online, I couldn't think at all. My mind was in a complete blank when I was talking to customers, to the extent I kept saying the wrong things. Plus my voice was trembling when I spoke. I didn't want to speak to anyone around me at all. I just kept smsing shuli, but honestly I can't remember what did I sms half the time cos I was really freaking out too much. And I think I have every reason to freak out because:

-I screwed up my GP and I know it cos I felt like crying when I was doing the stupid paper.
-I screwed up my Maths because I was so bloody careless.
-I screwed up my Econs cos I didn't finish the stupid paper.
-My Lit has always been screwed up so...yeah.
-I think the setter screwed up LEP more than I did, but there is always something called unforeseen circumstances.

And honestly speaking I know I didn't hit the standards I set for myself, which makes it even scarier. Even though I think the certs and all that are already printed and I can't help it now that it's been somewhat unchangeable, I still worry like shit. Bad case of anxiety.

I'm going to take leave on Sat. I can't stand the pressure of having my colleagues asking how I fare. Oh my goodness.