I left my bedroom door open and the good thing is the stupid cockroach flew out of my room. You know it CRAWLED ACROSS MY CUPBOARDS BEFORE IT FLEW OUT CAN SO DISGUSTING! Bad thing is it FLEW INTO THE LIVING ROOM I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IS IT NOR DO I CARE. I just shut my door the moment it flew out I hope it will fly out of the house soon.

As of now I have1 case to read and 4 case summaries to complete by tomorrow. -dies-

It is very frustrating:
-to read the slides for frustration when you realise the lecturer seems to focus more on opinions and other hypo questions rather than the actual theory itself. Not that it's not good, but when you have so little time to complete one bloody tutorial, you just want to understand the rules and theory quickly. And I can't really read those thick textbooks cos I have no time. Not to mention I have to complete the tutorial by tomorrow when the lecturer finished the topic today and when I had to do LAWR research which my group mates don't seem to be doing at the moment after lessons ended today. Don't seem to have the leisure to read all the materials and slowly absorb.

-to have SUPER SLACK GROUP MATE FOR LAWR. Of course everyone hates doing the bloody research for LAWR and would naturally want to put it off for as long as possible but when you have to present on THURSDAY and you still don't have much research materials by TUESDAY an alarm should have rung somewhere in your mind and you will have the initiative to start researching earlier and not only 1 day before presentation. And we don't even have 1 full day to do research mate. I doubt we will even have the time to read all the full cases. But the thing is, my LAWR tutor gets impressed easily. That's why...

-to have a LAWR tutor who is constantly in LALA land. I have no idea what is going on during her lessons. Her lessons don't seem to have any plan, structure or anything at all. She prepares transparency but doesn't really use them.

-to have a Torts tutor who isn't exactly doing her job. She thinks it's not her duty to point out whatever is wrong with our tg mates tutorial presentation, but isn't that what you are paid to do? To guide us along and correct us when we are wrong. She wants people to speak up, but the way she conducts lessons doesn't really motivate me to talk at all. And she always ends before 8pm when the lesson is supposed to end at 815! It's good to end early, but I dunno. It just irks me. As if I didn't learn enough/ tutor didn't teach enough. There's a reason why tutorials are supposed to last for a certain duration.

Aiya I'm just in a constant bitchy mood nowadays. Getting irritated very easily, always finding faults whenever I could etc etc. And it's like I need to release this bitchiness. So pardon me if I talk to you one day and start to complain non-stop.

Shall go do the tutorial now. Good thing that lecturer didn't change the tutorial from last year hohoho.

I also want to have a boyfriend and get married lehhhhhh.

On Monday I went to the library to do my library research shit, and I took 2hrs plus to get most of the info I needed. And the bulk of the time was spent on walking up and down and library, going to all the sections, looking up and down the shelves, looking at charts to compare and convert citations and standing on stools to get those uber thick and heavy books which are potential murder weapons.

On Wednesday I went to the library again to look for the remaining books which were MIA previously and jotted down whatever I thought I needed. Then when I tried doing the citation for those cases and materials, I realised to my utter horror that I MISSED OUT OTHER RELEVANT INFO WHICH I THOUGHT WASN'T IMPORTANT. So I made rounds in the library and I nearly died. So I got the other bloody info I missed out and tried to get down to work. Then I REALISED THE CITATION BOOK I WAS USING DIDN'T HAVE THE ABBREVIATIONS FOR THE COURTS I NEEDED. Frantic search for the legal dictionary and it didn't help much. Found a super thick US legal dict but decided not to use it cos I was looking for UK Courts so not that relevant. Gave up looking for the abbreviations and decided to look for the NUS book I needed for my extra credit question. I kept going to the shelf where the book was supposed to be, but it just wasn't there! I was cursing the selfish person who took the book away. And it was not like the book was being borrowed or anything, so I imagined this selfish person lurking somewhere in a corner of the library having the book all to himself.

So by the time I had to go for my torts at 630pm my work was still obviously not completed. And since that library research thing must be handed in the next day, I went back to the library AGAIN at 8 after my tutorial ended. This time Lingy went with me cos I was desperate for help already. Lingy got the legal dict. for me which has the abbreviations and guess what IT WAS THAT US DICT WHICH I THOUGHT WASN'T USEFUL. And the NUS book was not on the assigned shelf cos it was put on a display by the library and the bloody display was at a place where I would surely spot when I entered the library.

WTH. You could have stabbed me on the spot. So much time was wasted on this stupid thing due to my own carelessness.

And on top of this stupid library thing I had to rush my tutorials and do readings for contract and torts before Wednesday cos BOTH TUTORIALS WERE ON THE SAME DAY. Not to mention I had to read SLS too and SLS is on TUESDAY. And all these stuff take a hell lot of time to complete so I couldn't take a break cos all these things either come together or come one after another (which is like no diff from coming together anyway cos they follow so closely). Just constantly remained in the high-strung mode.

And my contract tutor dropped yet another bomb on me when he announced that there will be tutorial AGAIN NEXT WEEK. Contract tutorials fall on alternative weeks and I've been seeing my tutor for the past consecutive 2 wks already so by right I dun have to see him next week. But no! Just when I thought next week will be better since I will have more time to do other stuff without the tutorial.

To sum it up, this week was a major :(

One funny thing though. On Monday my LAWR tutor asked us if there was tutorial today and obviously we lied and said no. She actually believed us and didn't come to school today.

One thing you should never ask your students is whether there are lessons. And you must always double-check to confirm.

My tutor is just damn slack lah I tell you. All of us had to do this thing called research binder/memo which is major shit (though I think the concept is interesting cos we're acting like real lawyers). Other tutors spam their students and upload stuff on the IVLE for this research thing but I get zero from my tutor. Nothing I tell you. While other tutors will inform their students what to do for the next tutorial, I just go for her tutorials without knowing what we're going to do. If she does tell us our plans for next lesson, she will just forget about it and do some other things during the next tut.

So while other TGS are busy with research/presentation/ST, my TG is doing nothing. And it is very frustrating cos you will have less time than others to complete the equal amount of work. Well we can actually kinda start researching on our own first but there is simply no time. If you spend your time doing research, you have no time for other tutorials and seminars. And tutorials are very important cos there's class participation points. And can't possibly go unprepared that is suicidal.

But one good thing is my tutor is very lenient.

So you can see how sucky my life is. I don't have any life anymore! Everything is devoted to schoolwork.

What's more scary is this sucky life will CONTINUE EVEN AFTER I GRADUATE.

Sigh.

JUNSU IS SO SHUAI HERE. -DIES-

Just when I was tearing my hair out, I found some tutorial answers from the seniors' muggers! Hallelujah! Now I have something to refer to. :):):):):):):)

So ends my meaningless post. It's 2.47am

JaeJoong resting his arm comfortably on Changmin's shoulder. Poor Changmin kena bullied cos he's the youngest haha.


JaeJoong: We must have different poses from others when photographs are taken!


JaeJoong: Let's make use of Changmin's shoulder and pose with it!


JaeJoong: Follow me.


Pose no. 1 done when photo taken.


SUCCESS! Can imagine JaeJoong HAHAHA-ing over here.
Changmin looking back: What is this crazy person doing?!


Xmas: Changmin's shoulder is really very comfortable to lean on!
JaeJoong: Yeah I think so too!
Changmin decided the best way to deal with this was to ignore the boys.


JaeJoong: I know! Later right I will stretch my right arm, you stretch your left.


Xmas: Like this?
JaeJoong: Yes yes!
Changmin turning back: Can imagine him looking at them weirdly and thinking why on earth is he friends with them haha.


Pose no. 2

HIGH FIVE!

TATAH!!!!! And so this is how the photo turned out to be.

Seeing him doing such silly things is just ♥

In very bad mood nowadays. Dunno why. I think it's PMS but my menses is here already leh. Haha I like to be vocal about such things.

And it's like I want to talk to somebody and just complain and 發泄 but somehow I just can't articulate my feelings and thoughts. So the irritation keeps building up.

I was supposed to study damn contract today but I ended up fangirling again. It's like my main support now haha. I was watching Micky's Happy Friends Together and HE IS SO CUTE THERE. Kept licking his lips and smiling in a bashful way cos he was about to meet his primary school friends and it was so obvious he was nervous and excited at the same time. And all the things he used to do when he was young were so cute! And can't believe he 小小年幾就懂得浪漫. Sigh~And it was so obvious how cutely mean he was to his male friends when he was young it was so funny haha. Micky in that show simply spells LOVE.

The boys were in Taiwan for their concert and it's so sad for them to meet the typhoon! Less than 5000 fans went, hats blowing away, slipping on the wet floor, their cars getting stalled etc etc. :( But they still gave their best. I AM SO PROUD OF THEM! Hahaha. But still very sad yeah cos their performance was affected and they were forced to cancel the 2nd concert :( But it's good in a way cos they get to rest which is something they have not done for a long time (just like me boohoo). Junsu looks so skinny in the Taiwan photos just feel so heartpain.

But in any case I feel very sad that less than 5000 fans went. Maybe cos it was simply inconvenient and some of them worry about themselves, the weather conditions etc. But the boys were there willing to perform in such horrible conditions you know, they still gave their best cos they didn't want to disappoint fans. So nice of them right. If I bought the ticket I die also will go even though there's a high risk of me getting blown away. Then maybe I wil be blown onto the stage and get to perform with them haha.

AND CHANGMIN'S NEW HAIR! I think it's a refreshing change, but to be honest I was getting quite used to his long hair haha.

SEE? That's why they should come to S'pore! No earthquake, no typhoon, very orderly and safe and they can perform in the air-conditioned Indoor Stadium! Why S'pore dun want them...........plus S'pore has alot of good food. Maybe if they come to S'pore, they will go to Botanics for photoshoot. I WILL PON SCHOOL EVERYDAY.

They are just so cute in the Balloon MV I have to put it up even though only I know how to appreciate it. Hahaha. And my fellow fangirls.

Sigh maybe I should like try to lower the expectations I set for myself or something. The school expects much from you, and you have to set high standards for yourself too cos everyone there is smart and hardworking and your future pretty much depends on your grades. Not to mention it's the school who gives you your grades this time and not the nice Cambridge anymore. That's probably why I feel more stressed now. Like the stress becomes more tangible and conscious? As opposed to the past when the stress felt was more subconscious and was felt less outrightly. Am I making any sense?

And so I always hold myself to a level and always tell myself not to fall below that level. But what you tell yourself to do and what is actually done is never quite the same and the gap in between is quite disappointing. Then so I kept pushing myself beyond the limits but my mind seemed to tell me that's enough and I shouldn't push myself anymore. Like I became less productive and somehow my capacity to do things just stop there. Then obviously I feel pissed at myself and it's a vicious cycle all over again.

Sometimes I tell myself not to be so hard on myself but I can't seem to do that. I think I have 自虐症. Haha.

Today during LAWR we were learning how to interview and advise clients. My tutor told us the clients we will meet are not as simple as what we were doing in class for practice and whatever we say will have an impact on them. She told us to imagine what would happen if we have to advise a BANK. That thought scared me pretty much cos the implications become such a huge burden all of a sudden. I asked myself am I able to do that in the future? To hold such great responsibility when you know people are going to rely on what you said and you know it will have huge impacts on their lives? Am I prepared to do this?

Well I don't think I can do that but I guess such stuff comes with experience. You can't expect a fresh graduate to be a guru in law.

So I think all these feelings began to accumulate and manifest. Cos nowadays when I'm in school I find myself wishing that I have some time alone and I just don't quite feel like talking to anyone and I get irritated at every single little thing. But obviously you can't show these thoughts and feelings expressively? Cos you know your actions will affect your friends and they will start to ask you if things are ok etc etc. Of course I know that they are being concerned and I'm not complaining. But sometimes you just wish you can do whatever you want without trying to keep in check from time to time that kinda thing.

But I'm still thankful for the friends I have in law. We are all nice and funny people! Though I still need time to try and get used to some of their characteristics which my other friends don't have and which I'm less tolerant to. But doesn't mean they are not nice, just slightly different? But still can't just expect everyone to be the way I want them to be right? But I know I do that and it's not a good thing so I will try to change.

But I think these ill feelings are partly cos my menses are coming. Haha.

I can't quite believe that I typed all these above. Like so...deep in my thoughts and feelings kind. Haha. Usually I don't think so much cos thinking too much gives you even more troubles. Quite meaningful right? From this bimbo. Hahaha.

But let's not be weighed down on my emo shit yeah!

I bought Jolin's new album! I listened it one time, and I prefer her previous album cos more glam and I like the fast songs there better. I guess they spent the bulk of their budget on her movie thingy. They went to Paris, Bangkok and London to film it and they got shuaiges to act with her can. Plus her album is recorded abroad. Ok lah I guess her new album this time takes a darker and more mysterious side. More attitude kind. As usual her slow songs more or less the same. And the album has the movie dvd too! Woohoo.

And I got high on DBSK during break today as usual haha. They are like my life sustenance now. So sad right? But I like. They are so shuai and cute and funny. Why don't they come to S'pore :(

Today during SLS Wenling told me on MSN it seemed like a mentos sweet wrapper was stuck on our prof's butt. I literally LOL-ed and my SLS shuaige looked at me. :( I think he thought I'm some siao zharbor. How like that! And all these happened when our prof was pissed at us for not talking and not knowing our stuff well.

So shuai!

I think I'm going to fall this test. HOW.

Boohoohoo.